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Pantomime scripts written especially for you!!

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  Pantos Direct

Search no further for a pantomime script to suit your company- this is the panto site for you. We can either adapt our existing pantomime scripts or write a new pantomime specially for you. Get in touch for examples of existing scripts or to discuss your own brand-new pantomime.

 
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Use this site to find:
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bespoke scripts
custom panto scripts
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in fact everything to do with scripting and performing your panto / pantomime

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you may also find useful:  yellowbrickpublications

POLRUAN PLAYERS
For the best in theatrical entertainment in South East Cornwall.
Some Reviews..

The Ousting of the Ogre Bogle - Best Pantomime, Bristol Evening Post

Jack and the Beansprout - Award for Outstanding New Lyrics: Cornwall Rural Community Council

Aladdin: There are quite a few new pantomimes around nowadays but very few have such originality as this one.
Gerry Parker -
Bristol Rose Bowl Awards

Babes in the Wood: Altogether a triumph for all concerned: Mid Cornwall Advertiser.

Babes in the Wood: A wonderful example of a village pantomime tailored to the skill and availability of the performers: Cornwall Drama Association.

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DAMES:

Widow Twankey

 


A Dame is essential. What is it about British actors that makes them all want to dress in drag?

 



From ALADDIN:

TWANKEY:
ALADDIN! WISHYWASHY! Has anybody here seen my pair of idle sons? (TO AUDIENCE-) Have you seen them? There's no point in me asking that lot-I've seen the show before so I know- two boys, one about so high (SHOWS) Aladdin, and one about so high (HAND ABOUT A FOOT OFF FLOOR) Wishywashy- he's got trouble with his back- can't get it off the mattress in the morning- I don't know why I'm saying 'morning' -he can't get it off the mattress, full stop.
CROWD 1: What have they done now, Widow Twankey?
TWANKEY: What have they done?! What have they done! I'm glad you asked!
CROWD 1: Why?
TWANKEY: Cos we've got to get the story over somehow- They've done nothing! That's the problem-Here I am, a young widow in the prime of her life, at the tender age of - (MUTTERS AND COUGHS)
CROWD 2 : How old?
TWANKEY: (MUTTERS AGAIN)
CROWD 3 : I didn't quite catch that-
TWANKEY: As Marcus Trescothick *used to say, regularly-No, it's quite simple-and I'm not talking about Wishywashy- the way to calculate a lady's age- take her natural bio- rhythms, divide by Napier's logarithms, insert the date of birth plus the differential calculus, times the degree of discrepancy along with the angle of the dangle, add the temperature of Archimedes' bathwater, over the rule of thumb, accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, divide the whole by the figure she admits to and guess. (*any current cricketer)
BYSTANDER 2: You don't look a day over thirty
TWANKEY: That's very kind of you
BYSTANDER 3: No, you look about a week over sixty
TWANKEY: How dare you! I may be the mother of children who are.. well into their teens but I was a child bride- and now I am a tender young widow- forced by the cruel vagaries of Fate to slave away in the family laundry, all hours of the day and night, seven days a week, sometime more, up to my armpits in suds and bubbles, working my fingers to the bone in order to support my two poor orphaned boys-
(SINGS AS DEEP AS POSSIBLE)
- I GETS WEARY AND SICK OF TRYING
I'D TIRED OB LIVING AND FEARED OB DYIN'
BUT OLD MAN RIBBER
(ENTER ALADDIN AND WISHYWASHY)
WISHYWASHY AND ALADDIN: Mum,
TWANKEY: Shut up, I haven't finished yet- (DOWN ON KNEES)
OLD MAN RIBBER, HE JUST KEEP ROLLIN' ALONG!
Now what do you want?
ALADDIN: I don't know- you were looking for us-
TWANKY: I was looking for you in the vain hope that you might help me- here, I am, slogging my guts out, trying to keep this family fed, single- handed!
WISHY: What's wrong with your other hand?
TWANKY: It's fully occupied, trying to keep you two in order! (BAFFS THEM)
  
  Content Tony Cottrell, Pantos Direct

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